106

Slightly dleayed this week. Still kind of recovering from the fun of seeing Chris and Robbie in Arlington last night. It was a bit of a stop on the Summer Porch Tour route…but it was in a bar. I’d assumed they were going to be on the roof of this place, but no. Again, shows were good. Food was good. Fun night.

On to the write up….

Mike is quitting vaping, and drinking zero-alcohol Heineken.

Chris and his girlfriend fought over an apple-picking trip. (This is supposed to happen during football season.)

Alex wants Mike to quit vaping.

Chris spends money to make Mike upset.

Description of upcoming dates for Chris. (Including the show I was at last night.)

Mike has a comedy show with free beer and motorcybles. (I can’t ride a motorcycle anymore. But I also can’t drive.)

if you die on your first ride on a new motorcycle, you don’t have to deal with Putin’s Price Hike.

Budweiser is renaming itself “Freedom” this year. They renamed themselves “America” a few years ago.

Ask The Goon

Recommendation about which tomatoes to use in a tomato sauce. Mike didn’t know that chicken works wtih red sauce. (Have you never had Chicken Parm, Mikey?)

Discussion of a TV show with a Chicago story about with Italian beef sandwiches.

How is Mikey going to make rent with Alex moved out? (He makes a quarter-million dollars a year booking comedy shows, Chris!)

Mike’s dad used to beat him, and take him to Yankees’ Games.

Chris would dump a chick for going through his phone. (My wife has full access to all of my stuff…)

Both Chris and Mike have weird search histories.

Can you mix anabolic steroids and crack?

Alex is playing “Snakes” on an old Nokie Mike left laying around at home.

Mike could go work for hte MTA.

There’s no hill that Mike would die on, even if it’d ruin a relationship.

Chris’s hill to die on is Apple Picking.

White people picking apples is taking jobs from Mexicans.

Mike doesn’t have any regrets that come to mind with his ex.

ApplePay has nothing to do with Apple picking

A lot of people don’t tip in Ubers.

Uber takes 20% in NYC.

If you give a Lyft driver under three starts, you won’t be paired with them anymore.

Mikey is dabbed-out, and in a major nic-fit.

Chris could more easily move to New Orleans than New Jersey. (Mikey mentioned the Eagles playing right after the discussion of New Jersey, and I thought he was talking about the Philly football team…when my then-girlfriend and I watched the REdskins pull defeat from the jaws of victory against the Saints, we were talking to a depressed Washington fan on the walk to the Metro — y’all have been so nice…not like Eagles’ fans…)

Beer Run sounds weird at 1.5 speed.

If they made a Predator movie with house cats, that would work.

The Iranian government is harder than the mafia.

The missile that killed al-Zawahri.

They should put a boxing glove on the tip of missiles.

There’s a big middle swath between Islamic radicals and woke people.

Iran is trying to screw the New Jersey attacker out of the Fatwah payment for the attack on Rushdie.

The place where Rushdie is too far away to be worth pursing for the fatwah bounty.

A Hellfire missile only costs about $150K. The knife missile would probably be about $250K.

Rushdie can withstand a few small stabbings, but he’d be no match for a knife missile.

You launch a Hellfire with a hammer blow to the back.

They could give the remaining $600K to Alex to stop being mad at Mike over vaping.

Discussion of a guy who jerked off for three months to anime kiddy porn. (That’s pretty fucked-up, guy.)

Ryan Gosling was a masculine looking Twink in a movie.

Jerking off to seemingly-underage male porn is not profound.

People who claim to be empaths are usually selfish douches.

The publications where Chris found the articles on this aren’t right-wing, and they’re not looking fondly upon it.

Chris is the person who watches the watchmen.

Qualitative Research can suck Chris’s balls.

If you don’t jerk off to Lesbian porn, you’re a transphobe.

Concept of a research study whether jerking off to lesbian porn will turn dudges back into thirteen-year-old boys.

Discussion of a guy who was putting things under women’s cars to watch them bend over to pick things up.

He was charged with aggravated stalking.

A pie can just end up anywhere.

Shrodinger’s Pie.

You’ve never been in your house, and had a pie show up?

Was the guy leaving pies under uggos’ cars?

This guy is a repeat offender, with incidents dating back to 2007.

This was at Target. If it’d happened at Walmart, nobody woul dhave cared.

Alex is cooler than Chris from Brooklyn.